✖ for the first time in forever.

 For the first time in forever, I'm looking forward to the future.

While I've been struggling mentally during the past year, I've done plenty of soul-searching. I've learned a lot of things about myself, I've learned where my limits are and I've learned to give myself more mercy when it comes to certain things. I've understood that I don't have to be perfect, and as cliché, as it may sound - I don't need to be perfect.

I've found something that one may call inner peace. I've learned to control the chaos inside of me. And boy, the chaos itself is a massive one.

I've got my eyes in the future. Even though I plan a lot of renovations for the flat that I'm able to call my home for the first time in almost two years, I plan on selling it. I plan on finding a perfect little two-story apartment with a sauna and my own backyard somewhere nearby. I manifest it daily and work towards that goal. I want to be able to provide my own apartment, without my ex-husband hanging in the same mortgage with me just so I can stay in this apartment. I plan to be in my own field of career by the end of the year. Plenty of changes coming ahead.

For the first time in forever, no matter what I've planned I have the certainty that everything will be okay in the end. I have the certainty that I'm going to make it. I don't have to push things to move them where I want them. I'm looking forward to the time to make its magic, for me to make my own magic.

For the first time in forever, I finally trust myself completely and that scares the shit out of me.

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