✖ things I'm doing differently on my 3rd year of uni

✖ things I'm doing differently on my 3rd year of uni

• Monday 21 September 2020

 It's finally begun, my third year at the University of Applied sciences. There are less than two years before my graduation and becoming an expert in the digital communications field. There's yet to decide where to make my final dissertation, however, it should be decided by the end of this year since we're beginning to write them during the Spring semester. Where has the time gone, really?

Last year was indeed a string of unfortunate events of me wanting to drop off (from uni and life in general) and I wouldn't call it the best year of my life. I left so much behind, as all I didn't leave behind was my bed and the feeling to neglect myself in many ways imaginable. This year though, everything's felt different.

Autumn arrived in 2020 and I was scared. I was dead scared of all those 2019 memories flooding back into my brain and I was mortified by the fact that this year would be the same. What if I was a total fuck-up? What if I wasn't any good? What if I won't become anything I've ever wanted in life? My overthinking brain went to the next level in their overthinkingness and I was certain everybody hated me, I wasn't going to fit in anymore, and I was no good.

Yet, the year began and I picked my sorry little piece of arse up and went to the uni just to realize that all I had been thinking about was my mind playing tricks with me. I figured out that this year could be a new start for me, a divorcee-to-be mum of one adorable toddler, who is ready to leave her past behind, kick her to-be-ex-husband out of the flat they owned together and start a fresh new life working only for her and her own damn future (not to forget her son, of course.)

And that's what I've been doing this Autumn. I've been kicking ass. I've gone and taken the responsibility for a project, become a project manager at uni, and been investing in my future by actually being present at classes. Being interested in developing myself in the future, becoming a stronger person, and most importantly a better mum and a woman, not for anyone else but for my own sake.

Last year this time, I was ready to end my own life. This year, I feel like my life has just begun. And I don't need anyone to tell me that I won't be able to do things, I don't need anyone telling me how I should do things regarding my own life. I've gained back my self-respect, and I've been able to discover things I've never thought I'd be capable of doing. I will take on the world.

So what am I doing differently in uni this year?

I'm being me. Unapologetically, me.