✖ 25, the birthday I thought I wouldn't see

✖ 25, the birthday I thought I wouldn't see

• Thursday 30 January 2020

CW: depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, enter at your own risk

I can't stress this enough, Autumn and the beginning of Winter has been extremely tough on me. I've been finding difficult to get a grip on my own life whilst suffocating my own feelings and thoughts with helping others with their own struggles. It got to the point where I was skipping school, stayed in bed the whole day and didn't really manage to go anywhere. Anywhere except work. I'm actually glad I was able to drag myself to work, considering that my will to live had been dropped below zero.

Today is my 25th birthday, the birthday I thought I wouldn't see.

I was certain I wouldn't see my 25th birthday coming. I was in a dark, pitch-black place. I still am, in multiple shades of grey, the shades getting a tiny bit lighter each week. Can't say day, the process of my healing isn't exactly as fast I'd hope it to be. But I am. Healing. I want to heal.

I've always wanted to be 25. I don't really know why, but I've always wanted to be 25.
And it kind of feels good to be 25, now.

Happy birthday to me.
From, me.