✖ hockey snapshots

Friday, 31 January 2020

iPhone camera is surprisingly good, huh?

Pictures: Me
Location: Isomäki Ice Hall, Pori, Finland

✖ 25, the birthday I thought I wouldn't see

Thursday, 30 January 2020

CW: depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, enter at your own risk

I can't stress this enough, Autumn and the beginning of Winter has been extremely tough on me. I've been finding difficult to get a grip on my own life whilst suffocating my own feelings and thoughts with helping others with their own struggles. It got to the point where I was skipping school, stayed in bed the whole day and didn't really manage to go anywhere. Anywhere except work. I'm actually glad I was able to drag myself to work, considering that my will to live had been dropped below zero.

Today is my 25th birthday, the birthday I thought I wouldn't see.

I was certain I wouldn't see my 25th birthday coming. I was in a dark, pitch-black place. I still am, in multiple shades of grey, the shades getting a tiny bit lighter each week. Can't say day, the process of my healing isn't exactly as fast I'd hope it to be. But I am. Healing. I want to heal.

I've always wanted to be 25. I don't really know why, but I've always wanted to be 25.
And it kind of feels good to be 25, now.

Happy birthday to me.
From, me.

✖ snapshots from Tallinn, Estonia

Wednesday, 29 January 2020

My friend and I did a little trip to Tallinn right before Christmas, and we visited such stunning spots in the city. The main reason I wanted to visit Tallinn right before Christmas was to check out their hyped Christmas market. Although, compared to one in Helsinki it was more like a market filled with souvenirs and other not so important crap. It was slightly a disappointment for me, as I expected a bit more after all the hype I've heard about it.

The visit was more than perfect opportunity to get my camera out though, so here are a few pictures from the trip.

Have you ever been disappointed in a lot hyped Christmas market?

✖ my hopes for 2020

Tuesday, 28 January 2020

I'm not going to write about my new year's resolutions. I'm not too sure whether I am willing to keep them or if I'm even ready to keep them. I mean, if changing new fresh bed sheets is something that makes me feel like I have my shit together as a fully functional adult, how on Earth would I actually have my shit together?

So hopes. Hopes = resolutions. Even though I'm not talking about them as resolutions. "Resolutions" as a word, sounds like such a commitment.

And I'm not willing to commit on anything now, just for my own good.

So here we go. Hopes, for 2020.

✖ I hope to keep my plants alive
I've been hoarding plants in my apartment. Fuck, they're as social as I am. They're great listeners. They'll give me the air I breathe and they make my flat look nice. Least I can do to them, is to keep them alive. They're more difficult to keep alive than a child, to be fair. You can't really overwater a toddler or starve it to death without the toddler letting you know immediately when something's not right. Plants let you know, like a week later when they suddenly just die.

✖ I hope to get back to writing
Writing is therapeutic. Writing is something I use to express myself and it has been defining a part of me as long as I can remember. When we got our first PC my most used programs in it was Paint and Microsoft Word. I used to love writing short stories, fuck - I even remember the plot of the book I once was wanting to write. However I'm mostly focusing on academic writing at the moment, with uni going on and stuff but if I want a break from it, I'd really love to get back to blogging.
Blogging has always been fun, and I'm kind of ready to get myself back on the track, to the track I was on with Little Things With Jassy, may it rest in peace.

✖ I hope to learn the handstand properly
I really do want to learn the handstand. It's been something I've been wanting to learn for ages. I've been getting quite good at it but there's still a long way to go.

✖ I hope to find a job in my own field
I mean, working in retail is fun (right? right!?) when you don't want to kill yourself after a ridiculous encounter with a customer but finding a job in my own field would be an absolute goal. I don't usually compare myself to others in anything but while looking at my classmates thrive and succeed in our field it makes me feel like I'm missing out on something. In a way, I'm not finding the proper words to express. Is this FOMO?

✖ I hope to quit smoking
It's a bad habit of mine which has been following me since I was 15. A 10-year-mark would be the perfect moment to quit right? I've quitted once before and it was easy as fuck. Mostly because I was pregnant and determined not to be like mum's who smoke while being pregnant.

✖ I hope to paint more
Painting is something I'm used to doing, as well, to express myself and my feelings. It's also therapeutic, like yoga and writing.

What do you hope for your 2020?

✖ top tips on trying to find the positives from difficult situations

Monday, 27 January 2020

I'm by far the worst pessimist there is. Honestly, no lie.
I always think the worst out of everything and tend to focus on the negative aspects of different happenings in my own life. Overthinking is something I also practise pretty frequently. Sounds familiar? I sure as hell cannot be the only one.

I've been challenging myself this month to try and find the positives from the difficult situations. And oh boy, there has been many. So many. For example, I stumbled my toe upon a bathroom door it ending up to be blue and swollen, I was sure it was broken. It wasn't. The positive I got out of this? I don't have to use my walking sticks to travel an hour to uni and back. If I would have been super unlucky, I would have had to travel all that way in snow and ice.

I decided to gather around some tips on trying to find positives from difficult situations. Not only to help others struggling but to remind me as well. We all could do some reminiscing. How do you find the positives from difficult situations?

✖ accept the situation
Accepting the situation is crucial in order to be able to move on. If you won't accept the situation you happen to be in, you end up under its control instead of being in control of the situation by yourself. You'll give the difficult situation the power to control over you. You'll be more likely to find the positives if you're in control of the situation you're being in.
Of course, not all situations are like that.

✖ remind yourself that it could be worse
You've been through so much in your life and honestly, it could be worse. If you can't control it, you can control your mindset over it. I'm not saying you have to force the positive thoughts, I'm suggesting just going with the flow. At one point, you might realise that the situation wasn't half as bad as you thought at first.

✖ there are always two sides in things
When you realise that there are always two sides in things, the understanding of the situation becomes more wholesome. Be open to accept different viewings instead of living in your own bubble.

What helps you to find positives from difficult situations?
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