2020 / overdosed on caffeine.

✖ things I'm doing differently on my 3rd year of uni

Monday 21 September 2020

It's finally begun, my third year at the University of Applied sciences. There are less than two years before my graduation and becoming an expert in the digital communications field. There's yet to decide where to make my final dissertation, however, it should be decided by the end of this year since we're beginning to write them during the Spring semester. Where has the time gone, really?

Last year was indeed a string of unfortunate events of me wanting to drop off (from uni and life in general) and I wouldn't call it the best year of my life. I left so much behind, as all I didn't leave behind was my bed and the feeling to neglect myself in many ways imaginable. This year though, everything's felt different.

Autumn arrived in 2020 and I was scared. I was dead scared of all those 2019 memories flooding back into my brain and I was mortified by the fact that this year would be the same. What if I was a total fuck-up? What if I wasn't any good? What if I won't become anything I've ever wanted in life? My overthinking brain went to the next level in their overthinkingness and I was certain everybody hated me, I wasn't going to fit in anymore, and I was no good.

Yet, the year began and I picked my sorry little piece of arse up and went to the uni just to realize that all I had been thinking about was my mind playing tricks with me. I figured out that this year could be a new start for me, a divorcee-to-be mum of one adorable toddler, who is ready to leave her past behind, kick her to-be-ex-husband out of the flat they owned together and start a fresh new life working only for her and her own damn future (not to forget her son, of course.)

And that's what I've been doing this Autumn. I've been kicking ass. I've gone and taken the responsibility for a project, become a project manager at uni, and been investing in my future by actually being present at classes. Being interested in developing myself in the future, becoming a stronger person, and most importantly a better mum and a woman, not for anyone else but for my own sake.

Last year this time, I was ready to end my own life. This year, I feel like my life has just begun. And I don't need anyone to tell me that I won't be able to do things, I don't need anyone telling me how I should do things regarding my own life. I've gained back my self-respect, and I've been able to discover things I've never thought I'd be capable of doing. I will take on the world.

So what am I doing differently in uni this year?

I'm being me. Unapologetically, me.

Saturday 19 September 2020

I've slept multiple nights outside this summer, in a tent - so I would consider myself somewhat of an expert on this topic. Last summer I visited 6 different National Parks in Finland. SIX! Could you imagine? Due to the covid-19 situation the world is facing at the moment, I've had no other choice than explore my beautiful birth country, so here we are. And oh boy, I've learned some things. And yes, I am going to share.

✖ pick a proper tent carefully

Okay, first things first - I've slept in two different tents this summer and both of them were ones my mum found at her place while she was moving house. My first main tip for you is, that no matter how well your mama sells it to you, it probably isn't that good. The first tent I slept in was a 4-person tent, which means that it's quite large and damn heavy to carry around. Fortunately for us, we were mostly making day trips with that tent, and the only place we had to carry it was to the camping area we used to sleep our nights in. You could've held a party in that tent, just saying. Also, if your mum tells you that the smaller tent she's got, is much lighter and is in perfect condition - don't buy it, she probably has no clue about it. She also marketed it as waterproof, but it wasn't. It was a great tent though, a lot smaller than the party tent, easier to carry (considering I dragged it with me for 105 kilometers), however, one of the sticks turned out to be broken and the water-resistance of it (even though we had an appropriate cover as an extra on top of the tent) didn't turn out to be as great as my mum said it would be. So what did we learn from this? Neither of those tents is not coming with me on a hike to Norway next summer and instead, I will be buying a proper tent for myself no matter if I had to pay a little extra for it. Just for comfort.

✖ have an appropriate sleeping bag

I tend to get a bit cold when sleeping outside, no matter the weather or season outside. Nights are cold as fuck anyway. So having a good sleeping bag with you makes things much easier.

✖ don't trust the water resistance of your tent and have a cover for it just to be safe

I'm thanking myself for that cover I mentioned in the part I was talking about picking the right tent.

So after all, this turned out to be a rant about my mum and her tents. Oh wow, look at that. Some self-discovery right is written there in black on white. Have you spent nights outside this summer?

Monday 17 August 2020

The world has gone mad, and so have I.

I've never been that into finding pretty places nearby. I've always been the one to book train tickets or plane tickets, even boat tickets to figure my way out of Finland. My need to find different cultures and ways of living has been so big that before the whole covid-19 situation, I wouldn't have thought about traveling inside of Finland. Luckily that is something that has changed, considering that our country is full of places that are prettier than another.

Koli National Park the view from Ukko-Koli

Kolin kansallispuisto, Suomen kansallismaisema

Koli National Park was the first national park in Finland I visited this summer. My friend and I hiked up to Ukko-Koli, Paha-Koli, and Akka-Koli and got to witness the most amazing views after another. Koli is the perfect spot to actually let the fact that Finland indeed, is the land of a thousand lakes and forests really, deeply sink in. There is water everywhere. There are trees everywhere.

a girl playing ukulele in sunset, Koli Finland

We spent the night at a camping ground site nearby, which was free of charge and had the most wonderful view right outside the tent. There weren't many others to sleep over there and everyone kept their distance so we were able to be on our own for most of the time. It was basically a backyard of a farm and we saw plenty of lambs and horses while we cooked our dinner.

Have you explored your own country more now after being in a lockdown?

Friday 1 May 2020

I've been really into baking lately. I imagine it's because of the quarantine and being laid off from work that makes me this way - to be honest, it's been years since I've actually enjoyed baking as much as I've done lately. So I hopped off into a quarantine cliché, as one would say and I baked banana bread. This banana bread is vegan and it's also gluten-free, which in my opinion, is kind of cool.

✖ ingredients
5 bananas (ones that have gone dark are the best ones)
2,5dl oat flour
1,5dl almond flour
0,5dl coconut oil
0,5dl agave syrup
1 teaspoon cinnamon
0,5 teaspoon vanilla
1,5 teaspoon baking powder
0,5 teaspoon baking soda

✖ how to bake it?
Heat the oven to 180°C degrees and oil the bread pan.

Use a fork to mash 4 bananas out of 5. Melt the coconut oil, and mix it with bananas and syrup.

Put all dry ingredients together and add the mix in small batches to the banana dough. Mix carefully.

Pour the dough into the bread pan and slice the fifth banana on top of the bread.

Bake it in the oven for 45 minutes or until it's ready. Let it cool off before eating.

Thursday 30 April 2020

HEY-OOO, this is my first official plant post on the blog!

And I'm going to start it off by sharing some bits and bobs I know about my oldest plant I've got: Rhapidophora Tetrasperma. Tetraspermas are often miscalled as mini monsteras, mini split-leafs or even philodendrons and they're ridiculously Instagram worthy at the moment. Also, they grow darn fast, if I may add.

R. Tetrasperma must've been one of the easiest plants to grow that I've ever had. I bought it approximately a year ago from the Crazy Days sale at Stockmann and ever since we've been the best of buds. However, it really started growing after six months living in my new flat which either means that my old apartment was too dark for it or I've given it plenty of more attention now that I'm actually living alone.

✖ what kind of lighting does it require?
Rhapidophora tetrasperma loves light! I read somewhere that it requires bright, filtered light. However, it's right next to my somewhere-facing window and it has been doing brilliantly. Might even say it's thriving. So plenty of light, especially indoors. R. Tetrasperma requires a lot of light to grow faster and produce the layers on its leaves.

✖ how much should I water it?
During the growing season, from March to August, it likes to stay a bit moist. I simply water it whenever I remember, using the fertilizer each time I water it. During the Wintertime it requires a lot less water. Also, spray its leaves with water at times - it loves it!

Rhapidophora Tetrasperma is easily one of my favourite plants to propagate. It's fairly easy, just take a stem cutting with a node and root it in water or soil. They may be a bit slow to root in the water, but they'll grow fast when they're planted in the soil after rooting them.

Would you be interested in reading a blog post about R. Tetrasperma propagation?

Wednesday 29 April 2020

Now that some of us are under lockdown, or at the very least in quarantine we might have realized we have a lot of things at our homes, right? I can't be the only one, right? Today I wanted to share a few tips and tricks with you that help me go through the massive pile of random junk I've found around the flat. Yup, been living in this flat of mine for 6 months and I can already feel the junk piling up.

✖ when was the last time you used it?
The most important question to ask, in my opinion, is when is the last time you used it? Heck, if you haven't needed it in 6 months or in a year - get rid of it.

✖ can this be sold or given away?
Yeap, I'm not suggesting you throw away these things. You can get a bit of pocket money, or simply a happy mind giving the things you don't need to someone who needs them more than you do. I mean, if it's completely broken and useless - then you can recycle it in an appropriate way.

✖ but what if it means so so much to you?
Hoarders tend to get emotionally attached to things. Okay, just kidding, I've saved D's first Converse as well. And some baby clothes. I can still smell the baby he used to be, even though I've washed them. HOWEVER, if you have memories with it, don't toss it away but also remember that you don't have any memories with the vacuum cleaner that doesn't work anymore but you kind of want to keep it simply because if the miracle happens and it was the first vacuum cleaner in your childhood home.

I've gone through so much of my stuff these past few weeks. Some I've given away and some I've sold. Not much has gone to the trash/recycle bin, and I'm actually quite proud of myself. I've still got some stuff in storage at my old apartment, so that's going to be the next thing I'll be sorting but for the weekend I decided to go and visit my friend in my hometown. Really looking forward to that, even though the times are what they are now.

Tuesday 28 April 2020

You might remember earlier this month in the April mood board blog post, how I talked about wanting to bring the plants into my blog. I've recently been absolutely obsessing over different house plants, as much as I've got nearly 30 of them and they're all thriving. What? YES. I couldn't have imagined it myself either if you look at it a year back but here I am, succeeding as a plant mama.

So from today, you'll be able to find all the plant posts under the "overdosed on plants" label.

Also, if you're a fellow plant person you should definitely follow my new plant-themed Instagram account - @overdosedonplants, and check out the hashtag I created - #overdosedonplants. See you there, eh? More the merrier!

Sunday 26 April 2020

Yesterday, my washing machine decided to leave the bathroom in the middle of washing all my bedsheets. Bathroom, you may ask? Yeah, that's where we Scandinavians and Scandi-ish (Finnish) people keep our washing machines.

A week ago, the lamp over my stove burnt. I had to watch several tutorials and Google the shit out of it in order to figure out how to change a lamp into it. But I did it, off to store I went, found a right lamp and I freaking changed it. Took me a day.

A few weeks back, I ordered myself wifi for my apartment. I installed it all by myself. Heck, life is a lot easier now when you don't have to use the Internet hotspot from your phone.

For almost two weeks, my 3-year-old son wasn't allowed to go to the daycare, so I had him at home with me while studying remote via Zoom for uni. I got through that.
I was able to study myself and act as a daycare teacher for little whiles. We learned a lot about different animals, we can now count fluently to 15 and we went out to pick up rocks so we could paint them.

Yesterday, I fixed the washing machine. May have had to Google the shit out of it too but I did it. I fixed it. It no longer wants to escape from the premises and is put back in its place to wash our clothes.

For someone who used to be in a relationship for 10 years, these kinds of small things is a huge deal for me. And I'm proud of myself. Pardon my French, but who the fuck needs men anyway? When you've got Google & Satisfyer Pro, you're good to go.

And can you imagine? Changing a freaking lamp won't have to take two years when you can do it in a day all by yourself!

Saturday 4 April 2020

Since I've taken some time away from everything, I've been also trying to figure out where to take overdosed on caffeine next. I mean, it's definitely time for a little change - in content if in something. I want to bring up some new additions to the content and start including greenery in it. I mean, my life is dark but I recently counted all my plants and ended up realising I have 26 green plants. So I would really love to include all those things here since they're very close to my heart.

I'm welcoming this Spring with an open mind. Hell, I had all plans sorted out on how to escape life and then the whole coronavirus thing happened - so all plans had to be thrown into a trash bin. Yesterday, I even managed to get myself on 3 new online classes for uni for the summer and if that doesn't define how fucking lost I am, nothing ever will.

I've been thinking a lot about my life lately. My life choices, everything that happened last Autumn and everything that has happened after it until this very day. Even though I find it extremely anxious, I find it also very purifying. I've been able to sort out my thoughts in order, and started going them through in their own pace.

I don't know what this Spring will hold for me, but I'm terrified and excited to find out. I hope there will be lots of plants. Plants have made me happy lately. And it's been a long time since I have been able to even think about being happy. I'm still not healing, or if I am - I don't really notice it myself. Whatever it is, I think there might be light at the end of the tunnel, when I find the end of that tunnel. I'm still a bit lost, but I've accepted it and beginning to be alright with it.

I hope you all have a lovely Saturday, despite all.

Friday 3 April 2020

This blog post was highly requested by my cousin after I wrote about being on Tinder and why it isn't for me. No, really, Tinder is definitely not my cup of the tea but I've spent enough time on the app (a week, and then I had enough) so I can share a bit about the type of guys you'll find from there.

It's umm, a place. It's definitely a place. It's a weird place. I was on the app to have my fun and chat easygoing conversations with new people without making them attached to me. To be honest, that was freaking hard, since I'm super funny and adorable. Okay, so this is how I'm being today. Please bear with me.

So here we go, five types of men on Tinder, who I've talked to but never met in person.

✖ the kinky one
Kinky ones are the best in my opinion. Not that I would have any sex preferences, but they make a fun easygoing convo until shit gets too weird even for you. These are the ones you should definitely watch out for. I mean, I didn't meet the kinky one in person but I believe if I had he would've locked me in his basement and kept me there as his pet. Oh, and these ones always without an exception call grown-ass women girls. That really grinds my gears.

✖ the "nothing serious" one
There are two types of these guys. Their bio says they want "nothing serious" which can only mean two types of things: they really don't want anything serious and they're total fuckboys, or they've only put it in their bio so they'll get more matches on the magical app. I've stumbled upon a conversation with both ones. The first one made it very clear that I shouldn't fall in love with him, yeah, like I automatically would - dude, it takes a hell lot more!
The second one simply told me that he wrote it in his bio just to find Tinder easier to use for his purpose, which was finding a girlfriend.

✖ the shady one
The shady ones are full of surprises! They've got this mask they're using when they're on Tinder, where they come across as such wonderful personalities and easygoing, easy to chat about the weather with until you add them on Snapchat.

And this is the dealbreaker for me, I never shared my personal phone number so I still have a few of these hanging on my Snapchat as friends of mine, though not the shady ones - like real people ones. The shady ones, however, they send you nudes.

They're very comfortable in their own skin and when you don't jump in their game and send nudes to them, they remove themselves from your Snapchat as quickly as they got there. And I'm there like "ok baiiii, you idiot!"

But yeah, I've seen a few dicks floating around on my Snapchat. And not just the people, but their actual fucking penises.

✖ the creative one
In a way, I really do love the creative ones. Though they're so fucking full of themselves. Literally, the only thing they ever talk about you are their own creative achievements.

"Hey, I just created a new song."
- "Oh cool, can I hear it?"
"Nah, I'm not too sure will I ever publish it."

"Hey, I just painted one of the coolest paintings I've ever painted."
- "Heyyy fun! Send me a picture, I wanna see?"
"Nah, I'm not too sure if it's finished yet but I'm trying to get into an art exhibition and..."

And it goes on and on and on. Until I tried the same thing and opened the conversation about a painting I had painted. (I never painted any paintings.) And guess what the creative one replies? "Oh, cool." AND THAT'S IT.

✖ the one next door
These guys are safe. They're comfortable. They're umm, boring even. But safe. Comforting. Fun to friendzone.

Thursday 2 April 2020

I fled to Cape Verde in early March to escape my feelings and to be alone. When I got back to Finland, I was placed in a 2-week forced quarantine, like a little homecoming gift even though any COVID-19 cases weren't in Cape Verde at that time. I just managed to get back after they stopped tracking the virus, labelling countries to epidemic areas - the whole world was an epidemic area, even pandemic when I got back. So to the quarantine, I went.

The funny thing is that I went there to be alone for 8 days, I also got back to be alone 14 days more. But the thing is, I didn't want to be alone anymore. This has driven me nuts. Of course, I've seen my son, as he cannot go to the daycare so he's been to uni with me (remote working) which I do not recommend with a toddler, but what can you do.

✖ my head can handle a lot, but it cannot handle hoarding and selfishness
I got back right when the hamsterwave was on its full swing. People were hoarding the cheapest things from the grocery stores - you know, the crap us students buy. Oh and elderly people. Oh and people who aren't blessed with a chubby wallet in their pockets. I read a FB post about an elderly man who had to leave the flipping grocery store without buying anything because all the cheap options were hoarded and he couldn't afford to a bit more expensive ones. That makes me mad. Idiots, idiots everywhere. Also, I managed to survive 5 days without toilet paper before I found any from the store, I just had to take a shower after each time I used the toilet. Fun times, very fun times. And no, not the hand shower (I don't have one), the actual fucking shower.

✖ my introvert-self can handle being alone if it chooses to do so but not forced
I'm an introvert, this whole situation the world is dealing with is basically like the dream come true for me. If I only had chosen to isolate myself. There's a little rebel living inside of me, especially as an Aquarius, I'm drawn to rather make my own rules instead of following someone else's.

✖ being alone with my own thoughts is scary as fuck
As being someone whose thoughts aren't always blue skies and sunny rays being alone with one's own thoughts is creepy as fuck. I can think about anything from plants to planning my own suicide. No worries, I'm not going to kill myself but holy shit what a wide range of thoughts and emotions can go through someone in one day. As if I was pregnant, but no, just alone with my own thoughts.

Have you learned anything about yourself during the quarantine?

Wednesday 1 April 2020

Holy shit what kind of a world we're living in at the moment.

Thanks for the guy who decided it was fun to have, what? A bat for lunch, we've faced a situation where my generation has never been before. Or not that us millennials would recall it.

I mean, SARS - was that something to eat? And Ebola? Well, that affected mainly in Africa. We've lived through that, but we haven't really lived through that. Have we?

But covid-19, that stopped all of us going outside, having fun and apparently using our brains.

I want to talk to you guys about media criticism, and I cannot stress enough how important it is. We're living an era of misinformation, we're living in an era, where the journalist ethics and all that important shit is pressured down by the effect of the Internet and social media, where they feel the need to push all the news out in the news outlets as fast as possible. You've seen huge headlines on tabloid websites, right? But when you actually open it and it's recently posted, there might be one sentence of the news following with another sentence, "this article will be updated soon". And that's the best-case scenario. I mean, there has been news with a bunch of bullshit in it and afterwards edited the facts in it.

That's simply the result of the pressure, of the world we are living in. They need to push news out there right at the very moment they receive it. They need to push news out there without flowing it through the copywriter. News after news, after the news. They've lost the importance of quality, while quantity and clicks are all they nowadays care about. And why? It brings them money.

The media criticism is something rare, I reckon. It's something, that should be taught in schools. Actually, I've heard from my younger brother who is now what? A 10-year-old, that they've been talked at school about media criticism. And that's something that should've been done when the Internet arrived amongst us. Or at least 16 years ago, when Facebook brought us the thing you can do on the Internet, which is now called social media.

The very problem of social media and the Internet itself is that everyone has access to it. Don't get me wrong, that's the way it should be, BUT HOLY SHIT KAREN, who asked you to share your Farmville progress on Facebook every other hour?
No, to be honest, I'm a firm believer that the Internet should be made accessible to everyone and it should be a basic human right, and like in Finland, the government should guarantee that everyone has the access to it.

The core problem is that everyone has access to the Internet. There are people who know how to use their brain and the people who aren't necessarily blessed with the ability to use them. And that's where the importance of media criticism comes along. If you know how to use your brain, you also know that not everything in the world wide web is true. You know that it's not good for anyone to go out there blindly and believe everything you see. I mean, if there's something suspicious on your plate in a restaurant, would you eat it?

The thing is, you don't have to believe everything you read. While you're reading things online, check up these two things while you're reading: is the news source reliable and has it been right before?
Due to COVID-19 info, it's all fairly new to us. It's obvious that there is misinformation going on since we don't know a lot of things about it, however -- in every country, there is a website like THL (in Finland) or NHS (in the UK) which will give us the correct information about the whole situation. Tabloids are just feeding their click counter with spreading hysteria writing big headlines.

Saturday 1 February 2020

I work in retail. There are times women come to the cashpoint, throw all the clothes they want to buy on the desk, in a ridiculous pile. I mean, I admit - I am doing the absolute same if I happen to hit my head and go to shopping in person instead online. The thing I've discovered is that most women (not all), tend to hide the underwear they're buying between all the other clothes. They tend to get a bit ashamed if it takes me longer than a few seconds to get the hanger out of the sexiest bra there is in the collection. Let me get one thing straight, ladies:

No matter the size, shape, the model of the bra or any other kind of underwear --
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE ASHAMED, HONEY.

BUY that bra that makes you feel hot as hell.
BUY those thongs, if they're comfortable for you and make you feel good.
BUY that sexy body, if you're feeling yourself good in it.

Treat yourself with proudness, as a wonderful woman you are.

There seems to be a lot of shame when it comes to shopping for underwear as a woman. And to me personally, it feels ridiculous. Although I have to admit that before my breast reduction surgery I was damn ashamed to buy a bra as well. But it always ended up with going to multiple different stores, having yourself measured by multiple different people and being told in every single place that they don't have a cup large enough for me. That, if anything was utterly shameful. For me, personally.

But for fuck's sake women, we live in an era where we are no longer being held between the fist and the stove. There is no one who can tell us what we can and what we cannot wear, and sure as hell, there isn't anyone who can justify telling us what kind of underwear we should be wearing.

If you happen to be lucky enough to stand in that fitting room, try on a bra and actually feel like they're a good fit for you, as that's something not to be taken for granted, and they're something you feel good in, you feel amazing in, you feel sexy in, no one can come and tell you you can't be wearing them.

And if you're wondering what the salesperson at the cashpoint thinks, they most likely won't even remember what kind of underwear you bought after they've packed them in a shopping bag.

Friday 31 January 2020

iPhone camera is surprisingly good, huh?

Pictures: Me
Location: Isomäki Ice Hall, Pori, Finland

Thursday 30 January 2020

CW: depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, enter at your own risk

I can't stress this enough, Autumn and the beginning of Winter has been extremely tough on me. I've been finding difficult to get a grip on my own life whilst suffocating my own feelings and thoughts with helping others with their own struggles. It got to the point where I was skipping school, stayed in bed the whole day and didn't really manage to go anywhere. Anywhere except work. I'm actually glad I was able to drag myself to work, considering that my will to live had been dropped below zero.

Today is my 25th birthday, the birthday I thought I wouldn't see.

I was certain I wouldn't see my 25th birthday coming. I was in a dark, pitch-black place. I still am, in multiple shades of grey, the shades getting a tiny bit lighter each week. Can't say day, the process of my healing isn't exactly as fast I'd hope it to be. But I am. Healing. I want to heal.

I've always wanted to be 25. I don't really know why, but I've always wanted to be 25.
And it kind of feels good to be 25, now.

Happy birthday to me.
From, me.

Wednesday 29 January 2020

My friend and I did a little trip to Tallinn right before Christmas, and we visited such stunning spots in the city. The main reason I wanted to visit Tallinn right before Christmas was to check out their hyped Christmas market. Although, compared to one in Helsinki it was more like a market filled with souvenirs and other not so important crap. It was slightly a disappointment for me, as I expected a bit more after all the hype I've heard about it.

The visit was more than perfect opportunity to get my camera out though, so here are a few pictures from the trip.

Have you ever been disappointed in a lot hyped Christmas market?