✖ oh you, Tinder

Tuesday, 26 November 2019

Yes guys, and gals, it's official.
I've gone and fucking downloaded Tinder on my iPhone.
I never thought I'd get so low in life but after all, I've basically got nothing to lose anymore so I thought "what the hell" and instantly felt my dignity banging its head on a wall for a little while.
I think she might be dead now, haven't heard from her lately.

Don't get me wrong. Tinder is a wonderful place for anyone who's looking for basically anything. I was in a hope to find someone who'd buy my dirty lingerie for kinky purposes and would end up paying all my living costs (haven't found one yet, hit me up if you know someone) and someone who wasn't going to steal my Moomin mugs after we've built a lovely detached house with a white fence and who will most likely end up with the custody of a golden retriever we got together. But it sure as hell isn't for me.

If you're not ready to hear a brutal and honest opinion on Tinder, as raw as it gets, please go on and enjoy your life and read something else. As the shit is going to get real right now.

Tinder is full of superficial and shallow asshats (of course, not everyone), who don't really know what they're looking from there and who will not know what the main reason for swiping right actually is. Perhaps, it's a fun game to play? Perhaps, you'll find an easy hook-up from there? Perhaps, you're looking for someone to talk to and forget who you are for a little while. Perhaps, while you're swiping a person looking like Joe Sugg appears on your screen and says his name is Kevin, and Kevin is not looking for anything serious except a warm and fuzzy companion for cold Autumn nights.

As a software (and since I'm a future developer), Tinder is full of glitches and annoying bugs. Although I never paid anything for the app, perhaps Tinder Gold is much better (it's probably not). The software is slow and the messages aren't really working. You may tap a conversation with Kevin but end up open a conversation with Josh. Imagine how awkward it will be if you hit send before you realise who you're chatting with. Usually, you design an app hooking enough to get people to spend more time in them. On Tinder, it's basically changing other communication details as fast as possible so you won't have to use the actual app for what it's actually made for: communicating with new people near you. It's like the developers want the users to get the fuck out of their app as soon as possible.

The next one is based on fully my own personal experience.
There were actually people of my age, who would've gladly fucked me if I had let them. I still got it, but that's not who I am.
When I downloaded Tinder and set up a profile for myself there, I instantly felt like turning into a piece of meat on sale at the grocery store. I was admired that the number of likes reached 99+ in less than 10 minutes but it made me feel dirty as fuck. I found out that I still got it, felt like the person I've spent the most of my little life has actually been pretty lucky to have me.

I found out, that not only 20-year-old hockey kids and over 40-year-old married men were interested in me. There were actually people of my age, who would've gladly fucked me if I had let them. I still got it, but that's not who I am.

I rather end up meeting interesting people in the line waiting to get in the bar.
I rather end up meeting interesting people whilst waiting for a bus at a bus stop.
I rather end up meeting interesting people anywhere else, than on Tinder.
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