✖ dear diary, I've been really struggling lately

✖ dear diary, I've been really struggling lately

• Tuesday, 18 June 2019

Dear diary, I'm struggling to get out of bed. I'm struggling to find anything that would even the tiniest bit spark my interest and motivation in life. I haven't showered for a week, my hair is unbrushed. Gosh, when was the last time I even brushed my teeth?

I've been living in a fog, trying to please everyone else except myself. I haven't been able to sleep, I haven't eaten properly. Why is it, that each time I'm starting to feel a bit better something comes up and down the hill, I go again? Why is it, that I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to feel these feelings? And why is it, that each time I open up these things to someone I feel like a burden?

A while back, my friend wondered how I'm handling it all so well. I look so busy, how am I holding up? That's exactly how I'm holding up. I keep myself busy not to be alone with my thoughts. And it's a real struggle when I don't have anything else to do than to be alone with my thoughts.

I need to deal with things, yet I would rather choose to avoid them.

As after all, it would be easier that way. And I am very, very tired.