✖ dear diary, I've been really struggling lately

✖ dear diary, I've been really struggling lately

• Tuesday 18 June 2019

Dear diary, I'm struggling to get out of bed. I'm struggling to find anything that would even the tiniest bit spark my interest and motivation in life. I haven't showered for a week, my hair is unbrushed. Gosh, when was the last time I even brushed my teeth?

I've been living in a fog, trying to please everyone else except myself. I haven't been able to sleep, I haven't eaten properly. Why is it, that each time I'm starting to feel a bit better something comes up and down the hill, I go again? Why is it, that I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to feel these feelings? And why is it, that each time I open up these things to someone I feel like a burden?

A while back, my friend wondered how I'm handling it all so well. I look so busy, how am I holding up? That's exactly how I'm holding up. I keep myself busy not to be alone with my thoughts. And it's a real struggle when I don't have anything else to do than to be alone with my thoughts.

I need to deal with things, yet I would rather choose to avoid them.

As after all, it would be easier that way. And I am very, very tired.